Replace Umami Cloud?

Build me a self-hosted analytics stack to replace Umami Cloud. Requirements:

- Do not write analytics code. Umami is open source, deploy the real thing: a
  docker-compose.yml with the official umami image + postgres:15, data in a named
  volume. The subscription pays for hosting, so the build is a deployment.
- All secrets in .env: postgres password and Umami APP_SECRET. Umami binds to
  localhost; Caddy reverse-proxies stats.<mydomain> to it with automatic HTTPS.
- backup.sh on a nightly cron: pg_dump to ~/backups/umami-YYYY-MM-DD.sql.gz, keep
  14, with the restore command documented next to it.
- update.sh: pull the new image, restart, and print the release-notes URL so I can
  check for breaking changes before upgrading.
- Add the tracking script tag to my sites and verify pageviews arrive; create one
  custom event as proof the event pipeline works.
- No third-party telemetry; visitor data stays in my postgres.
- Out of scope: modifying Umami itself or building custom dashboards on top. And
  accept the honest cost: uptime, upgrades, and 2am breakage are mine now.
- README: DNS record for the stats subdomain, first-login default credentials, and
  change the admin password immediately.